“Mom, That Pill Bottle Isn’t Corn!”

“Mom, That Pill Bottle Isn’t Corn!”

“Mom, That Pill Bottle Isn’t Corn!” 1000 667 Naudia

Have you ever watched a parent eat scissors-like corn on the cob? I have. Have you seen a parent gum a pill bottle until the paper started coming off? I have. Here I am going to share some of the embarrassing things I have had to incur while growing up with my mom.

  • The above story was one night I had stopped over, I am unsure why anymore, just that I was there. If it was after 3 PM, you were taking a chance at if she started drinking yet, and how much. Said when your mom calls and the first thing you do is look at the clock. (I still do this btw) My stepdad had made hamburgers and corn for dinner, and well my mom is always the last to eat. Growing up with a drunk for a parent, I learned she would go to bed shortly after eating. So I legit used to get EXCITED when she would ask me to make her a plate! All I remember was being in the kitchen with my stepdad and going to check on my mom and she was eating a pill bottle like it was the best ribs she has ever had or something. To the point, the label was coming off because she sucked on it so much. When I told her she looked at me weird put the bottle down and kinda blacked back out.
  • She next tried to eat the scissors like they were corn on the cob. She has zero memory of this.
  • She also ate a shit ton of ashes from the ashtray.
  • Then my stepdad tells me she has eaten the ashes and the butts before, a whole ashtray worth.
  • I watched her eat her food with her hands like a three-year-old, only the three-year-old would be neater. They both, however, may be known to fall asleep in their food
  • Tried to make out with one of my crushes
  • Has 3 to 5 DUI’S under her belt ( I lost count at 3)
  • Has told me endless horrible things only to not remember the next day
  • the next day we had “Storytime”, where I would fill her in on who she talked to and what she did.
  • She threw up in the sink filled with dishes soaking to be washed and didn’t clean it up.
  • Brought home multiple men, a few to which I caught fucking her
  • she would call this talk radio, dating show, nightly.
  • leave me home alone to go out with friends and get drunk

I could keep going but those are the big ones. The next blog will be part #2, the verbal hiccup that never went away.

So until next time, when you see water that looks like your dinner is floating on top of it, don’t decide to be nice and do the dishes for your mom while she sleeps at age 7 or 8! ( Insert gag noise here!)