I’m the Facebook failure…

Words have power

I’m the Facebook failure…

I’m the Facebook failure… 1000 666 Naudia

Last Night was a prime example of the shit I go through on the daily. I get a phone call from my mother last night. I did not answer it thought, “I’ll call her back.”

Then my phone was prompted by text messages.

I am going to provide receipts.

 

 

        Above is what my mother sent to me. She told me not to talk/tell anyone about my mental state. Why might you ask? Because she cares about me or what other people think about me? No. Because She doesn’t want people to make fun of my condition? Nope try again. Because it makes her look bad, and she doesn’t like all the attention I may receive from it? You guessed it!

Should this shock you? Nope! Is this typical? Yes! This is how much of my life has been. My mother is never supportive, nor happy for me for almost any reason, other then if it makes her look good.

Ex: I post a picture of a tattoo I did. Everyone likes and comments on it. My mother will then post something about how great I did, or how because of her artistic ability that must be where I learned it from. Nope, everything I know art wise I learned in school or myself. Or how about how proud she is. Yes, let’s talk about how proud she is. If she was proud why does she only say it when there are other people to see it or hear it? Why does she put me down ten times for every nice thing she may have to say to me? Ever have your mother be super jealous of you, so much so you have to hide when good things do happen, because you are tired of hearing, “Must be nice!” That is her famous line.

I try really hard to not let anything she says bother me anymore. It’s a power she used to wield that I didn’t know she had till Xander’s mother told me that. From that moment on I stopped just letting her dictate my life, or continually put me down on a regular basis. She hates that I stand up for myself unless I am standing up to someone else, and then it is all “That’s my girl, you learned from the best!” Everything I do in life revolves around what great of a childhood I had, that she provided for me. 

Now do not get me wrong my mother was a single mother, who at the time I believe she thought she wasn’t doing anything wrong. It wasn’t until she became a functional alcoholic, that she started to belittle and put me down on a regular basis. You will hear me talk about this often because low self-esteem is a big issue in my life, and one I wholeheartedly believe she caused in me.

I hate my confidence, and I do a pretty good job of concealing it. One of the things I always wanted for my children was to not feel that way. I feel like it is in large part to how the parent instills confidence into their kids, which helps mold how they will perceive themselves later in life. How they cope with it, etc.

I accomplished that in my kid’s life, and I am proud of THEM for growing into the person they are becoming. My youngest is sassy as fuck, and does not let anyone fuck with her, she will erase you faster then you entered her life. However, she is shy, and awkward at first, until she isn’t then she opens up like a flower of information. My oldest has some image issues, ( She is overweight) however she will stand up for herself like a sassy little bitch! Makes a momma’s heart proud. Again I am proud of what THEY ARE BECOMING, not because I had something to do with it, but because they will not have to go through life the same way I did, and that’s awesome!

To conclude: I was dumbfounded that she still has that much selfishness, and I wonder who I got that from. YES, I admit that I am selfish. I was an only kid growing up? Will she apologize? Nope, she doesn’t see it as something she did wrong. When I told my mother that she verbally abused me as a child, she told me the only thing I had issues with growing up was my sexuality!!! The FUCK! More on this in another blog.

So until next time, love your kids and know what you do and say does affect them, sometimes for the rest of their life. So Choose Wisely.